Welcome to the world of dairy goats! Cute? Yes. Sweet? Sometimes. High-maintenance little escape artists? Absolutely. Here’s what you need to know before diving in:

• Milk doesn’t just pour itself. You’ll be milking every day, twice a day, at the same time, no matter the weather, holidays, or your social life (which you can say goodbye to).

• Goats are lawyers in fur coats. If your fence isn’t Fort Knox-level secure, they will find the loophole, exploit it, and lead a jailbreak.

• They are not tiny cows. Goats are browsers, not grazers—so don’t expect them to mow your lawn. They prefer your roses, your fruit trees, and your most expensive landscaping.

• Goats keep things interesting. From the occasional hoof trim to surprise cases of “why is she limping today?”—you’ll become an amateur vet whether you planned to or not. A good livestock vet is a lifesaver, but most of the time, common sense and a well-stocked first-aid kit will get you through.

• Milking is only half the battle. If you don’t have a plan for what to do with gallons of milk, you’ll be drowning in it. Hope you like cheese, soap, and explaining to your friends why you brought them yet another mason jar of goat milk.

• Bucks are gross—but also the best. Want to breed your does? Get ready for a stinky, pee-soaked, hormone-fueled monster that will make you question your life choices. But honestly? The boys are still my favorite most of the year. They’re big, goofy, and full of personality—just keep them downwind in the fall.

• Baby goats are sugar-addicted and over-caffeinated acrobats. Adorable? Yes. But also tiny chaos machines with no fear and a tendency to launch themselves off anything higher than a foot. They’ll ricochet off walls, climb on everything, and make you wonder what, exactly, they’re running on. That said, baby goats make the best videos, and all your neighbors will suddenly become your best friends when they’re little.

• You will never have just one. Goats need friends, and before you know it, you’ll have a herd, a reputation, and a life revolving around their needs. Friends can be other goats, cows, horses, geese, sheep, donkeys—really, anyone willing to stay outside with them all the time. Because if there’s one thing goats don’t do well, it’s being alone. Congratulations—you’re officially a goat person now.